I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
