That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
