So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
