You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
