she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
