Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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