I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
