and she was petting her beer can
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The struggles of a small town man whore
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
