I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
