Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
50% drunk capacity currently
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
