If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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