The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
