she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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