There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
