Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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