She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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