i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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