I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He felt like a one man threesome
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
