recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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