my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
