My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
