Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
