Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
