Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i came on her dog
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
