My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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