so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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