I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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