I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I supernannyed him into submission
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
