Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
