it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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