the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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