this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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