i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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