i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You just made me feel so damn special
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
