I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
