so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
