Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
