My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
