my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
