Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
