Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
