I heard we made out
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
