So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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