Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
