she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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