Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
