She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
