I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
