You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
