So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
