i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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