can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
