would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
