cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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