You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
