dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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