He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
